ACMA report hard to digest

Experts in Australian Communications and Media Authority are obviously big fans of pro-smoking spoof flick Thank-You for Smoking.
And what's more they inhaled.
How else do you explain that in the Children's Television Standards review released last week, the ACMA refused to ban junk food ads during children's television on the grounds that there is no strong evidence between obesity and television advertising?
This is despite last year's finding by the University of Sydney that our kids are exposed to 10 junk food ads an hour during children’s television periods.
So just as the tobacco industry tried to convince us for years that cigarette advertising in no way encouraged people to smoke only to change brands, we are now expected to believe that the millions of dollars spend on pushing salt, fat and sugar to our children doesn't actually make them eat more junk food.
Really?
In explaining its decision the ACMA said restricting food and beverage advertising would be “a blunt form of regulatory intervention” which would “also prevent healthy food and beverage products from being advertised”.
That may be true but exactly when was the last time an advertisement promoting healthy food options to children aired during children’s viewing time.
If such an ad exists you can bet your bottom dollar that the product being promoted is something like a “natural” confectionary – apparently healthy because it is 99% fat free conveniently ignoring the massive sugar content.
The AMAC also notes that restrictions on junk food advertising would result in “significant cost to the commercial television sector”.
Even a one hour daily ban on food ads would, according to the report, result in a drop in commercial television revenue of up to 4%. That just goes to show what a huge industry selling life-limiting food options to children is.
And it goes straight to the crux of the matter. A review supposedly looking into children’s television standards puts more weight on the bottom line of commercial television stations’ profits than in the bottom line of our children.
This is despite the fact that one of the core objectives of the Broadcasting Services Act is to “place a high priority on protecting children from program material that may be harmful to them including advertising and sponsorship matter”.
The Cancer Council believed so strongly that junk food advertising was harmful to children that it mobilised a campaign resulting in 20 521 postcards being lodged with the AMCA.
In addition, a further 67 of the 76 submissions to the review highlighted the need for restrictions on junk food advertising directed at children.
It would seem that just about everyone except the AMCA sees a link between junk food advertising and dangerously high levels of childhood obesity.
Like the tobacco companies of old, the ACMA continues to push the line that as long as the product is legal so too should advertising it.
We can only hope that eventually the regulators will follow the lead of the United Kingdom, Sweden, Belgium, Denmark, Greece, Ireland and Quebec all of which have some restrictions on advertising of junk food.
Surely the weight of evidence is irrefutable. Where’s there’s smoke there’s fire.

Beastly decisison by Children's Book Council

The decisions of the Children’s Book Council of Australia never fail to disappoint.

Year after year the judges make decisions that are bewildering in their stupidity and even arrogance.

Year after year the body which has a charter “to engage the community with literature for young Australians” makes perplexing and confusing decisions that rate books that are important and worthy ahead of books that children will love to read.

But now, the council has outdone it self an moved beyond irritating and mystifying to mind-blowingly inappropriate and just downright wrong.

The winner of the Picture Book of the Year Requiem for a Beast by Matt Ottley contains not only violent images of a blood-stained axe used to kill Aboriginals but also the f word numerous times.

Since when did we reward phrases such as “íf you do it again you little black arsehole, your goin’t’be in the fuckin’ river” followed closely by “Jesus Christ he even pissed himself. You fuckin dirty little animal” in picture books.

Yes, Matt Ottley has a serious story to tell about the psychological problems in youth, suicide, the stolen generation and the plight of Aboriginal Australia. Yes, the judges make it clear that a picture book might not be for young children.

But there are other values which must be considered when evaluating this title and surely appropriate community standards is one of them.

This book contains no warning about language on its cover and no indication about its content – all that’s there now is a large gold sticker naming it as the Picture Book of the Year. Well-meaning parents will see that as a gold-plated endorsement of the book without any adequate warning.

Well they would see it as that if they find a bookshop that stocks it. Five attempts to buy the book from large retailers on the weekend failed. Four had never heard of it and a couple couldn't pronounce the title. One retailer believed it was in stock. He pulled out a step ladder, climbed up to the top shelf, removed two books from the front of the shelf and then found there were no copies left.

So a book hidden at the back of a top shelf is going to engage the community with literature for young people? Exactly how is that going to happen? Perhaps in much the same way as Windsor Smith sells shoes – create interest through controversy.

Here’s an alternative plan. What about creating interest by rewarding the books children like to read? The Children’s Book Council should try it for once. The novelty might surprise them.

I don't give a monkey's about context - it's still rude

The Classification Review Board will today decide whether the animated September holiday release Space Chimps will keep its PG classification or be downgraded to G.
On July 11, the Classification Board announced that the movie - described as "an intergalactic comedy that highlights the antics of astronaut chimps with the wrong stuff" - would be classified PG with a warning of mild threatening themes.
The distributors appealed the decision and last Friday a review was announced.
If history is anything to go by, the application by the distributors for the reclassification will be successful.
Last year, the review board reviewed five cinema releases and on all but one occasion downgraded the original classification

• Sleuth was downgraded from MA to M on October 22
• 30 Days of Night was downgraded from R 18+ to MA on October 17
• SAW IV was downgraded from R 18+ to MA on October 10
• 300 was downgraded from R 18+ to MA February 28
• Notes on a Scandal retained its MA classification after the January 24 review
  

The explanations for the decisions make fascinating reading for anyone with an interest in classification matters.

Studying the deliberations would make one wonder whether there is such a thing as a rude word any more.

Take the review of Sleuth as a classic example.

In its deliberations, the Review Board noted that the F word was used 16 times and he C word three times but said that was appropriate in an M classification because it was in context.

It even said that "You're a c***" is shouted loudly and with menace. But apparently that's okay for 15-year-olds.

Makes you wonder what level of bad language a film would need to contain to earn an R classification. As for Space Chimps, here's betting that it will have a G classification by week's end.

Poo on you Flying Kangaroo

Nothing has revolutionised the experience of long haul flights for parents travelling with children as much as the personal video and games console offered on most aircraft flying international routes.

Children have an endless capacity to play games and watch videos and these systems give them something to do other than chant "are we there yet" endlessly.

But in providing this entertainment, airlines must also provide appropriate information for parents. Sadly, a recent trip on the national carrier as proven this is not always the case.

In fact, the current Q magazine probably breaches classification guidelines while in Australian airspace and certainly works against the interests of parents with children flying on Qantas.

The magazine advises parents travelling with children to "check the Australian Content Classification guidelines and supervise your children accordingly". That would indeed be good advice if the classifications were accurate.

The magazine lists the Peirce Brosnan movie Married Life as being classified PG - it is not. The Classification Board has rated the film M. While I accept that the magazine may have had to be printed before the classification was granted surely a movie about a man seeking to kill his wife so he can marry his young mistress should have raised alarm bells and the airline exercised appropriate caution.

In any event, the airline has no excuse for listing the wrong classification of The Golden Compass. Its PG classification was issued in December 2007 yet you list it as a G film.

The airline magazine's advice to parents is that some movies will not be suitable for young passengers. It is right. The website Parent Preview says of The Golden Compass "parents will undoubtedly be concerned over the portrayals of cruelty and violence. Lyra is in peril for most of this film, and is fearful of adults. Other scenes show children locked in steel cages while bolts of electricity attempt to separate them from their daemon. And when the battle begins to brew, people are killed with spears and guns as the situation in this already dark film begins to intensify".

Many parents rely on the classification system to make informed choices on behalf of their children. Qantas surely has a duty of care to provide them with accurate information to enable them to do this.

How old is too old?

Some aspects of parenting get easier as your child ages. Others just get more complicated.

It's been years since toileting was an issue in our house but it's back and its an issue we have to confront in public.

A 10-year-old male child does not want to go to the ladies toilet. Full stop. No negotiating.

But, it may be neurotic, but his mother doesn't like to leave him to his own devises in the male urinal. Full stop. No negotiating.

The rare family toilet or disabled toilet offer a compromise but they are not always available when nature calls.

So relying on the "safety in numbers" argument the 10-year-old male and a friend were this week allowed to go together to a public toilet while the hovering parent waited outside.

And they emerged announcing that "there was a weird man on drugs inside screaming really rude words and threatening people". Great. Now what?

So if 10 years isn't too old for a boy to use the female toilet, what happens at 11 or 12?

And how much worse it must be for a male parent with a small girl where the option of taking her with you can't be a real option from a much younger age.

What we need is more family-friendly facilities.

The risk may be small but it a risk surely many families are not prepared to take.

Disney execs prove it's a small thinking world after all

It's a world of laughter. It's a world of tears. It's a world where our children are being marketed to at every turn.

Until recently there was a world of difference between watching children's TV on Disney Channel and watching the same programs on free-to-air TV.

Disney was an ad-free zone, a safe place where children might learn to talk about recess and janitors but where they could watch TV without being bombarded with messages to buy, buy, buy.

That world has now gone. Watching the Disney Channel on the weekend was as bad as watching Saturday Disney on the 7 Network - wall-to-wall ads only broken occasionally to fit in some programming.

It's a crying shame that Disney has effectively sold out on kids and a decision that ultimately may cost them. I can not be the only parent that factored in the lack of ads into the decision to subscribe to Pay TV.

The high rotation ad for Dog Poo Barbie - a Barbie Accessory called Tanner which comes with a pooper scooper to help waif-girl be a responsible pet owner - is making me question the value of my investment.

The Disney Magical Kingdom just lost much of its sparkle

Report covers more than #$%^&* Ramsay

Understandable media interest in the Australian Senate’s reaction to the potty-mouth Gordon Ramsay allowed other aspects of the Effectiveness of the Broadcasting codes of practice standing committee report to be overlooked.
The report, released last week, noted a number of interesting changes in the patterns of family viewing which impact on children’s exposure to unsuitable material. It notes, for example, that children are staying up later which increases their exposure to adult material and that the use of the remote makes channel surfing and therefore parental control more difficult to maintain.
But perhaps the most interesting reading was contained in the section relating to news and current affairs.
The committee found that “current affairs broadcasting, as it tends more towards ‘infotainment’ relies increasingly on a diet of graphic and sensationalised reporting of violent crime, spectacular accidents and the like. These stories often have little intrinsic merit as news but do provide an opportunity to screen graphic images during early evening time slots which may be distressing to children”.
There was also concern about unsavory content in other television programs becoming the news story increasing the exposure to a much larger number of children. Gordon Ramsay’s swearing and “the more prurient incidents on Big Brother” (no doubt the turkey slapping incident) came in for special mention.
“This results in the very material that was found offensive by some in a later time slot being televised much earlier in the evening as part of a news or current affairs program”.
Curiously, despite the concern, the committee put the onus back on broadcasters its recommendation 6 saying “The Committee does not wish to tell television stations what they should be in news and current affairs programming”. Why ever not?
What exactly is the point of spending taxpayers’ money on the effectiveness of existing regulations and then washing your hands on the matter?
The committee did recommend “that ACMA, in consultation with broadcasters, review the sections of the Classification Code applying to news and current affairs programming, with regard to the use of graphic and disturbing imagery and excerpts from M or higher rated programs in news and current affairs broadcasting in early evening time zones”.
Yes, yes, heard it all before.
In 1996 for example, in the wake of the Port Arthur Massacre, the Commonwealth Government established a Committee of Ministers on the Portrayal of Violence in the Media. When the report was tabled in the Senate in February 1997 arguably its most contentious recommendation was for a toned down early evening news bulletin saying "when reporting items which are identified by television stations themselves as being accompanied by 'disturbing footage', that footage should only be shown in later evening bulletins and not during the early evening news bulletin when large numbers of children are watching television".
But when the Government’s official response to the report was tabled any talk of enforcement was removed and replaced by broadcasters being “strongly urged” "to be vigilant in meeting the requirements of their codes of practice".
Then in 2000, Victorian Government's Family and Community Development Committee brought down its final report on The effects of Television and Multimedia on children & families in Victoria, urging broadcasters to keep disturbing footage out of the early evening news bulletins.
And here we are in 2008 still politely asking broadcasters to do the right thing.
There is no doubt news creates an especially difficult area for broadcasters. Many of the events journalists cover are violent, disturbing and graphic – that’s what makes them news. But repeatedly parents are telling inquiries that at times the choice of language and images crosses the line in what it acceptable in family viewing times.
They have the right to wonder if anyone is listening.

The bus stops here - government begged to start belting our kids

Why is allowing one child to travel unrestrained in a vehicle an infringement that attracts a $225 fine but allowing 75 children to travel unrestrained is called a school excursion?
There have been federal laws in place since 1995 requiring all schools buses travelling on open non-urban roads to be fitted with seatbelts but on local roads there are no regulations demanding seat belts.
Surely this can’t be because legislators only believe that school bus accidents happen on open highways. Of course not. It’s a question of cost.
Apparently “retrofitting” seatbelts to old buses is just too expensive. Which raises a question “what price do you put on a child’s life”? or even “what price would you put on the lives of a bus-load of children’s lives”.
It is seven years since the Queensland Law Society urged the School Transport Safety Task Force to make school bus seatbelts mandatory relating the case of a serious school bus accident where “children were tossed in the air and thrown about like rag dolls inside the bus”.
And three years ago Queensland became the first state to make seatbelts compulsory on school buses travelling in mountainous regions but on city streets bus passengers are offered less protection than those in the family sedan.
Which means I can expect my son to be offered a reasonable level of protection when he heads off to school camp later in the year but had to cross my fingers and hope when he went on a banana bus school excursion to the Planetarium this week.
My guess is that it will take a major accident involving a school bus on a city street to force change.
I pray I am not right.

A warning wouldn't hurt

The Picasso exhibition which opened at The Gallery of Modern Art today is a coup and guaranteed to drag the crowds in.
It's an intriguing, interesting and at times confronting collection of works by the artist as well as works that inspired the artist enough to find their way into Picasso's private collection.
It will not be everyone's cup of tea and in fact there may be many parents who would prefer that their kids didn't see all of the works on show.
A wall from Picasso's erotic period, which is graphic in its depiction of female genitalia, is not the stuff of primary school text books.
In a way it is a testament to our maturity that Queensland's premier Anna Bligh could be paraded in front of the drawings without a blink while a collection of similar erotic Picassos was never taken to New York because of what was described as cultural censorship.
No-one would want to see the exhibition banned or censored but a word of warning would be nice.
Remember this same exhibition has an accompanying Yo Picasso exhibit with activities designed to amuse little children and children are being admitted free to see the show.
And Arts Minister Rod Welford said "I encourage all Queenslanders to get along to GOMA in the coming months to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime cultural experience".
Other exhibits have moved the more graphic material to an area which allows families to bypass the more confronting material should they choose.
The same approach would be appropriate here.
Outside the walls of a gallery this is not the sort of stuff many of us would choose to let our children see. The same consideration within the gallery would be in order.

TV producers put sting in the Scorpion's tail

Australian families are rushing to have a chance to see their children take part in the next big reality TV hit Escape from Scorpion Island.
The show – the second series of a show to be produced by the BBC in the UK but the first to be filmed in Australia – will see 16 British and Australian kidsaged between 11 and 14 marooned on an exotic island.
In tried and true reality TV style, the children will compete in teams to be the first to conquer the island and learn how to escape from it.
This is all sounding a bit Lord of the Flies to me.
Others seems less concerned.
Tim Brooke-Hunt, ABC TV's Executive Head of Children's, has described the new joint venture as “an exciting new initiative for ABC Kids Television”.
“Since the Australian call for contestants went out a week and ahalf ago, there has been over 21,000 web views and over 10,000entry-form downloads," he says.
Good television possibly but is deliberately marooning your kids on an island good parenting?
Celebrity psychologist an counselor Dr. Laura Schlessinger would clearly not think so.
She says of reality TV involving children: “It is not enough to argue that these children have their parents’ permission – parents cannot legally pimp their children, yet this is precisely what is going on here.
“The privacy and dignity of these children have been stripped from them. They are hawked by cameras as their so-called parents push the envelope farther than any responsible, loving, protective parent should, in an attempt to gain ratings and increase celebrity status.”
While that seems a bit harsh, the growing trend of recruiting children for reality TV shows is worrying.
Right now, a British TV program, being filmed in Australia, forces fat children to hunt for food with Aborigines. Even the title Fat Kids Can't Hunt should be cause for concern.
And then there was the US-produced Kid Nation which put 40 eight-to-15-year-olds in a New Mexico ghost town and asked them to form a functioning society.
To take part in that show parents had to sign a waiver giving away their right to sue CBS even if their kids contracted an STD or died. There was also grave concern about the show violating child labour laws – none of which bothered the parents desperate to see their kids involved in the second series.
No-one is arguing that Escape from Scorpion Island will be anything like this but really do we need it?
Many will argue that wrapping our kids in cotton wool does them no good in the end but should we really be feeding them to the TV sharks and filming the experience?
I think not.

Cinemas say "tell someone who cares"

For months now I have been complaining about the inability of one particular cinema chain to adhere to federal regulations in relation to the screening of cinema trailers - in short the regulations say that a cinema can not exhibit a trailer for a movie classified higher than the feature film.

After a swag of infringements culminating in April with the screening of a trailer for the M Classified And then She Found Me during the G Classified bible Film The 10 Commandments was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I sent four letters of complaint on April 28 - 29

• To Kevin Rudd as the Federal Member in the electorate where the offences took place;
  
• Wayne Swan my Federal MP,
  
• the Federal Attorney General's office as the regulator


• and the cinema owner.

The replies arrived are in

• Kevin Rudd referred me to Wayne Swan


• Wayne Swan referred me to the Australian Communications and Media Authority
  
• The Federal Attorney General's office referred me to the Queensland Department of Justice and Attorney General and Office of Fair Trading (while stating that the cinema chain had been contacted and reminded of its responsibilities)


• And my favourite was from the cinema owner who said "it would please me if you went to other cinemas" He also insists "We can place a PG trailer on a G rated film" Really?
  He must be reading a different code from me

I suggest that he looks at the relevant section of the act displayed at Classification.gov.au
It says "Restrictions for screening trailersFilm advertising (eg trailers) for a classified film can only be publicly exhibited with a feature film of the same or higher classification. That is:
Film advertising for G films can be screened with all films
Film advertising for PG films can only be screened with PG, M, MA 15+ or R 18+ films
Film advertising for M films can only be screened with M, MA 15+ or R 18+ films
Film advertising for MA 15+ films can only be screened with MA 15+ or R 18+ films
Film advertising for R 18+ films can only be screened with R 18+ or X18+ films.
Film advertising for X 18+ films can only be screened with X 18+ films (only in ACT and NT)."

Further he claims the reason the trailers may be wrongly screened is because there is often little time between the classification and when the film is shown. That would be a defensible position if only it stacked up.

In the 11 documented cases I presented him with, the time elapsed between when the film was classified and when the trailer was shown were as follows: 81 days, 50 days, 2 days, 57 days , 36 days, 110 days, 38 days, 45 days, 41 days, 45 days and 52 days. Two days might be a reasonable excuse but with all of the others in excess of a month, I don't think so.

It may please the owner if I went somewhere else but it's not going to happen. It would please me if he did the right thing and with a whole new set of contacts thanks to the buck-passing of those meant to enforce Federal Government policy it's game on.

The mother of all insanities

Necessity may be the mother of all inventions but this just seems to be pandering to the mother of all insecurities. Power parents seeking power parenting tools.

Business cards for mums. Yes, being a mother is the most important job anyone can take on but is it one that requires a business card? Mummy cards are apparently "for anyone tired of rummaging through bags for a scrap of paper and pen to exchange contact details".

This, according to the website, is how we communicate to other mothers details such as our home number, mobile number, email address, home address, children's names, birth dates or allergies.

So rather than getting to know a new mum or dad before dropping off our child for a party or play we thrust a business card in a parent's hand and cut and run confident they have all the necessary information to safely care for out little one.

Even if you accept that these could be handy, just how often would you really need one (if you don't count the over-sized gold fish bowls at the counter of the local coffee shop)?

These cards come in boxes of 100 which at $80 plus $10 postage works out at 90 cents each - rather a lot for exchanging contact details.

Dealing with the other school parents is not like closing a corporate deal and doesn't require the same tools. Let's leave the business cards for the suits.

Where do all the pencils go?

In just one two-week period this year, my son managed to lose 12 new carefully labelled HB pencils - that's more than one every school day.

Then there was the Pokemon cards that disappeared before little lunch the first day they went to school.

Shoes, socks, hats, bags, lunchboxes, drink bottles, ice bricks, homework books - you name it - no matter how well it is labelled a vortex sucks the items in. Sometimes the items are spat out again days, weeks or years later. Often they are gone for good.

So if the items find their way into another child's bag doesn't anyone at home notice? If not, where do they end up?

One mystery was solved this week. A school jumper turned up at a bus stop about 10 kilometres from home. A very nice man found it and phoned the mobile number on the iron-on label.
How sweet is that? His explanation "well, I'd appreciate it if someone found my kid's stuff that they let me know".

The jumper is now safely home - apparently having made the little trek to Alderley on a bus ferrying kids to interschool sports last week.

Sex sells, hugs and kisses clearly don't

Parental pressure forced the removal of billboards asking "want longer lasting sex?".

Only a few weeks ago, after a public outcry, the sex was gone and replaced with some X O X which as any child knows stands for hugs and kisses

But apparently the largesse of AMI Australia is no more.

Sex is back on at least two large billboards within a couple of kilometres of each other on Brisbane's northside.

One can only assume that parental concerns will be considered as long as it is economically convenient to do so. Shame.

O what a tangled web we weave.....

.....when first we fail to proof read.

After weeks of rehearsals and 14 performances, the curtain finally fell on Brisbane Arts Theatre's production of Charlotte's Web this weekend. The celebrations following the final production included the presentation of the traditional production T Shirt. And a beautiful thing it was too - shame no-one had proof read it. O dear.

Wee problem in otherwise terrific program

What a brilliant idea idea - fitness sessions in parks with separate programs for toddlers and parents, primary school kids and active parents - all paid for by the council.
Families have embraced the Kids Sports program and at the Friday afternoon Nundah session at least, scores of people benefit from the council keep-fit initiative.
But the biggest exercise for many was the two hundred metre dash to the trees or the long distance leg crossing. The park's public toilets were firmly bolted.
Urging families to a come to a council park and not unlocking the toilets is just bad planning.
It also goes to show that you can't believe everything you read - the national public toilet map says the public toilet in question is open 24 hours a day.

Testing times for students

I really hope the information our governments and schools get from the literacy and numeracy tests is worth the anguish.
It is hard to argue against tests which according to the NAPLAN website "will provide information on how students are progressing against national benchmarks and support improvements in teaching and learning".
But just how good is the information and just how much angst do we cause in the process?
The problem with locking student as young as 7 in a room and setting them to work is that there are so many variables. A child with poor literacy skills may fail a numeracy test because he or she can't read the question. A child who can read well can still do poorly in literacy tests if his or her ability to write at speed is impaired.
And that's before you even start taking into account whether the student is anxious or has eaten a good breakfast or had a good night's sleep.
A good classroom teacher can identify and explain these variables. A national test blind marked can not.
Parents are reporting children are fretting, unable to sleep and unable to eat because of the stress - and these are kids who are aged from 7.
They can be reassured that nothing bad will happen to them if they do poorly. Unfortunately, however, the entry criteria of many private high schools is based at least in part on the results of Year 5 tests.
No wonder the kids are stressed. These are indeed testing times.

Merchandising madness

The classifiers have rated it M, warning of moderate action violence and advising that its suitability is for children aged 15 and over.
The merchandisers, on the other hand, have determined the suitability of the Ironman franchise at age 4.
There is something insane about the continuing lawful marketing of products based on adult material at very young children.
Next to this costume on the shelf was a Pirates of the Caribbean outfit for a three-year-old. Why? Because they can.
The only way to stop this madness is to boycott the products.
A four-year-old doesn't have the purchasing power. We do and it's time we started exercising it by just saying 'no'.

To Mother with love

What a perfect way to spoil mum this Mothers Day - with a set of gardening tools.
The marketing is in overdrive - and the words treat, spoil and pamper are being tossed around liberally.
Apparently sending mum out to work in the garden with a new set of tools, into the kitchen with a new microwave, or the office with a new printer is the perfect way to let her know you love her.
Mothers Day is essentially an invention of the greeting card companies but there is nothing wrong with taking stock and remembering to tell those nearest and dearest to us that they are nearest and dearest to us.
But with gardening tools......?
Pampering involves a personal masseuse not a personal microwave.
But really it doesn't need to involve wads of cash. The hand-made card, the sleep-in and the breakfast in bed (even if the toast is cold, slightly mangled and smothered in Vegemite) show love much more than spending big.
Open your heart, not your wallet (well, if you insist a pair of winter PJs would be okay too!)

The worst of both worlds

I am not sure what is worse - the deliberate false advertising or the punctuation.

We were all told that Hannah Montana: Best of Both Worlds movie was a "Limited 1-Week Engagement Only • At Select 3-D Cinemas March 20". Now it is in week six and counting.

Announcing the extended season the Greater Union Cinema chain manages not one but two misplaced apotrophes. Ouch

The bastards are out to get you

The car company had bugger, the tourism commercial had bloody and now the soft drink company has bastards.
None of the words is exactly dreadful and absolutely all are part of the normal Australian language but still they are not words most of us want to hear coming out of the mouths of our kids.
Having the words all over billboards makes it pretty to argue that it is not a nice word.
It also shows a lack of imagination in the creative minds of advertising agencies.
Don't have a campagin? I know let's use a soft swear word. Done.
And just to prove the bastards really are out to get you, now there's a relish called Baa'Stard.

Is there something I'm not c-ing?

I just don't get it. Why would a new business name itself after a phrase which refers to what is generally considered the most vulgar word in the English language? And what does female genitalia have to do with bagels? Only one C word springs to mind - confused.

Cinemas prove nothing is sacred

You know that the regulators are comprehensively failing in their duty and badly letting down families in the process when you can't see a G classified bible movie on a Sunday without being exposed to adult content.

Quite simply at least one cinema chain in continuing the breach the regulations regarding the screening of trailers is putting commercial imperatives ahead of the rights of families and the law.

In this most recent instance before the screening of The Ten Commandments a trailer for the M Classified And The She Found Me was shown. Surely it is not unreasonable to expect to be able to see an animated movie about the life of Moses without having to know if Bette Midler is always verbal during sex.

And this is not an isolated case.

Since September 2007, I have noted 11 separate incidents where the same cinema chain has screened trailers for movies classified higher than the classification of the feature movie in breach of section 21A of the Classification of Films Act 1991 (Qld).

Even more worryingly, a written complaint to the regulators resulted in nothing more than an assurance that the chain in question would be reminded of its responsibilities - fat lot of good that did.

The Federal Government this year launched Inquiry into the sexualisation of children in the contemporary media environment. Well if Kevin Rudd wants a starting point he need look no further than his own electorate where all 11 of the recorded breaches took place.

It's something I intend to make the Member for Griffith aware of. Watch this space.

No sex please we're parents

Two Australian mothers called Anita and Hannah are seeing our insights into sex after parenting for a book they are about to write.

They say "We are looking at how and why things change in the bedroom once the pitter patter of little feet have entered your home - and how we as women can reclaim the sexual goddess within! "

How and why things have changed in the bedroom? We don't need a book for that. Eavesdrop at any mothers' lunch and the answer is the same. If action in the bedroom has dropped off it's because we are exhausted. Given the choice between sleep and sex, sleep wins every time.

And there's also the small matter of opportunity. You can hardly sneak off for a bit of afternoon delight while the kids are watching the Disney Channel in the next room.

But if you have other ideas, the questions the researchers are interested in are listed below. Send your responses to: currievirgo@gmail.com

QUESTIONS FOR THE LADIES…

Name: (for our records only… these will not be published)

Age:

Marital Status:

Number of Child/Children:

Ages of Child/Children:



What is your perception of sexy?

How often do you and your partner have sex? (Thought we’d ask the loaded question 1st, pardon the pun).

Do you think this is above or below the average for Mums and Dads?

Do you have the desire to have sex as much now as before you had children?

Do you feel sexy now that you’re a Mummy? (If yes, how have you maintained/achieved this? If not, why do you feel this way?)

Did you feel sexy before having children?

Do you see yourself as sexy? If yes, why?

What is your perception of sexy?

What do you find sexy about your partner?

Has your perception of your partner’s sexiness changed since having children? If yes, why?

If anything, what do you think your husband can do to make you feel sexier?

What do you think you could do to be more sexy?

Do you think there is a need for this type of book?

Further comments:



QUESTIONS FOR THE DADS…


Name (for records only, will not be published):

Age:

Marital Status:

Number of Child/Children:

Ages of Child/Children:


How often do you and your partner have sex? (Thought we’d ask the loaded question 1st, pardon the pun)

Do you think this is above or below the average for Mums and Dads?

Do you have the desire to have sex as much now as before you had children?

What is your perception of sexy?

What do you find sexy about your partner?

Has your perception of your partner’s sexiness changed since having children? i.e. did she appear sexier before children/during pregnancy/after having children? If yes, why?

If anything, what do you think your wife could do to be sexier?

Do you see yourself as sexy? If yes, why?

What do you think you could do to be more sexy?

Do you think there is a need for this type of book?

Further comments:

Warning: Being time poor will cost you

Forget volunteering. Parents are now being conscripted - do the time or pay the fine.
It's a sad reflection of the way society is heading that the local Aussie rules club is now billing parents who fail to sell enough chocolates in the annual chocolate drive.

It makes a nonsense of the very term drive which the dictionary defines as " a united effort to accomplish some specific purpose, esp. to raise money, as for a charity". Charity may begin at home but it now seems that it ends there to.

We are not being asked to lend a hand for our child's school or club we are being told to turn up or cough up.

The Freddo fundraiser is far from an isolated case.

A quick search of the internet will reveal an education system that is making parents pay for a growing number of services once done by volunteers.

There are kindies where you "volunteer" for classroom duty a day a term or pay $40 each time you miss your turn.

One school charges families a $130 a year "school grounds assistance bond" which is refunded if you work four full working bees or assist in the tuckshop for 40 hours.

Another slugs parents a massive $220 a year P and F levy which can be worked off if parents do a minimum of two and a half hours work per term in the tuckshop, gardens, resource centre or at working bees.

Problem is that the reason people can't or don't help out is not just that both parents are too busy out earning the big bucks for anyone to be bothered to cut sandwiches in the tuckshop.

What about the single parent family, or the low-income families working two jobs to make ends meet, or the mum with younger kids at home or families caring for sick or elderly parents?

It hardly seems fair to fine these families for failing to sell enough chocolate frogs. Forget time poor, the new user-pay attitude to charity makes us all poorer as a society.

Parents punished by popcorn profiteering

It wasn't the terrible lip syncing that left a bad taste in my mouth at the Brisbane performance of Disney's High School Musical on Ice - it was the popcorn.
True a bucket of fat smothered in salt is always prone to a bitter after taste but this time it wasn't the artery-hardening properties of the snack that did the damage as much as the blatant rip-off of the product not to mention the anti-competitive behaviour of its retailers.
If ever there was an example of the profits being in the packaging it has to be Disney popcorn. A small box cost $6, the bucket a massive $13.
While it could be argued that if people want to pay for over-priced popcorn that's their problem, there is a much bigger issue here.
The regular food outlets at the Boondall Entertainment Centre normally retail popcorn for $4 or $6.50 BUT they are forbidden from selling it when the Disney machine comes to town.
Surely creating a popcorn monopoly and forcing patrons to buy the snack at the inflated special Disney price is in breach of some restriction of trade regulation - or if it isn't it should be.
The current popcorn piracy is too hard to stomach.

Truth suffers in Hannah hype

They must think we are really stupid.
Three weeks after the start of the one-week only season of the 3D movie Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert, it is still screening at cinemas.
While there has been no official explanation for the longer than advertised season, the fans have their theories.
As one said "Well, as I predicted in an earlier question, the "one week only" was a load of bull "
Couldn't agree more.

Parents deserve better from cinema classifiers

The lyrics of Blowin' in the Wind flooded into my head as I watched the movie trailers before the PG-classified Spiderwick Chronicles recently. You know the line: "And how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died". Apparently the answer is rather a lot. In five minutes on a Sunday morning in a cinema packed with families with young children, trailers for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Ironman and Star Trek were screened. All were dark, scary and, in the case of the first two, extraordinarily violent. Yet all three previews had Office of Film and Literature Classification approval. They could have been shown with any movie any time. This is despite the fact that both Ironman and Indiana Jones have computer games already classified M and blind Freddy could see from the content of the trailer that the movies should carry M classifications as well. It seems to be a hole in the classification regulations big enough to drive a truck through that you can preview any movie any time until they are classified but at that point trailers are restricted to being shown only with a movie of the same or lesser classification. Granted, trailers have to be classified themselves but both the Australian and the US regulators considered all three trailers as appropriate for all audiences. Which can only mean that either the regulators are way out of step with community expectations or I am. You take the most violent highlights of a movie, package them in a trailer completely out of context and that's okay for general audiences when the same level of violence spread out over 90 or so minutes isn't. What kind of warped logic is that? It just seems harder and harder for parents to make active, considered choices about the level of violence their children are exposed to. Surely parents should be able to take the kids to the cinema on a Sunday morning and have a reasonable expectation of what kind of content they will see. The present regulator-approved free-for-all is just not in the interests of good parenting.

This is really f#$%&ing crazy

If ABC One's decision to screen the Australian Story on Michael Chugg at 8pm despite setting a new record in swearing is perplexing what happened next is just madness.
Apparently it is justified to air Chugg repeatedly dropping the F word in a timeslot normally restricted to coarse language which is "mild and infrequent" but writing the word is offensive.
The transcript of the show replaces the word with f***. Go figure. Either the word is rude or it isn't.
Bizarrely, the ABC's position on the word wanker is even more confusing. It is written in full twice but in the same transcript appears later as w****r.
Perhaps it is time for the ABC's Standing Committee on Spoken English - the body which claims to exist so broadcasters and journalists can check all aspects of spoken and written English – to start a f@#$ing debate on the subject.

Force is with Canadian funnyman

I am going to immediately buy a copy of 365 TV-Free Activities You Can Do with Your Child.
The DVD player will be on sale on eBay before the day is out. There can be no alternative.
If you ever needed any evidence of the damage a TV and VCR can do to a child's developing brain you only need to consider the tragic case of Charles Ross and his One-Man Star Wars Trilogy .
Ross, who this week brings his one man show to the Cremorne Theatre is Brisbane, admits to have seen the original Star Wars at least 400 times - and it shows.
He has every little mannerism, every voice, every attitude of the characters exactly right.
Clearly he didn't get out much. It seems that a large percentage of the audience also spent a large slice of their youth watching Star Wars and its sequels too.
They were getting right into it. And why not. Ross is a funny, funny man.
He has taken six hours of film and condensed it into one hour and then delivers it without props or costuming - and the true believers still love him for it.
What is more amazing is that even those with a passing interest in the trilogy can still enjoy the show and laugh along with most of it.
It's a formula that has been phenomenally successful, has seen Ross travel the world and has spawned a second show based on The Lord of the Rings series.
For something that looks a bit like a school boy leaping around performing to entertain his friends, Ross has created a highly successful and doubtless lucrative franchise.
May be I won't buy the book and throw away the DVD player yet. May be I'll just encourage my Hairspray-obsessed child to watch it a few hundred more times.

Foul-mouth aunty invades lounge rooms

The ABC was perfectly within its rights to screen the Australian Story on Legendary rock music promoter Michael Chugg last night.
Okay it was only eight at night and the F word was uttered at least 10 times in the first five minutes and there were a few "wankers" thrown in for good measure.
In fact the Australian Story's own home page proudly announces "the tirade will almost certainly set a new record for the most F-words aired on ABC TV at 8pm"
So why was the ABC setting a new F word record at 8pm when according to the Office of Literature Classification on which the ABC Code of Practice is based 8pm is still in a PG zone allowing only coarse language which is "mild and infrequent"?
Basically because it can.
The ABC , like its commercial counterparts, operates under a code that allows for exemptions in the screening of news and current affairs programming.
Put simply news, current affairs and information programs are not subject to classification and can be screened at any time.
So, yes the ABC was perfectly entitled to show Australian Story at 8pm no matter how many times Chugg used the F word.
But that doesn't mean it should have done it.
Sure there was a warning.
And it can also be argued that the language was not gratuitous. It was clearly trying to make a valid point. "Chugg is famous for his chain smoking and on-stage rants full of profanities – which feature in the colourful opening of tonight’s program," the Australian Story site announces.
Problem is that either the ABC thinks that children aren't or shouldn't be watching TV - or at least ABC TV - at 8pm or that the F word isn't a bad word any more.
Both are just not right.
The F word might be perfectly okay at the pub or in any gathering of adults but surely most of us still don't want to hear it from the mouths of our kids.
And if we don't want to hear our kids using it we shouldn't be showing it in a way that makes it seem perfectly normal in what is still family viewing time.
Yes, the ABC was perfectly within its rights to screen the Australian Story on Legendary rock music promoter Michael Chugg last night.
But it shouldn't have done it - at least not until after 8.30pm when the M classification zone begins.

Holiday Blues

It's just so frustrating when different levels of government are unable or unwilling to work together for the good of us poor people living on the bottom of the food chain.
So when the Education Queensland decided that the autumn school holidays would this year be moved from Easter it would be too much to expect that those setting tertiary holidays would follow suit.
Education Minister Rod Welford described this year's Easter on March 23 as a "very rare and unusual occurrence" which would not occur again until 2160.
“As part of the State Government’s undertaking to set school terms of similar length, this year the first term holidays will commence two weeks after the long weekend,” he explained.
Fair enough, if only the universities followed suit.
QUT and UQ, despite being only four weeks into first semester, are taking their mid semester break this week and it is even worse at Griffith which after only three weeks four days in a 13-week semester is taking a break.
So? So, the juggle for all those families where a parent works or studies at a tertiary institution and there are school-aged children got that bit harder.
We get a break now and in two weeks we have to find some other care arrangements for our kids.
It could all have been so easily avoided if only different levels of government would work together.
Is that really too much to ask?

CSI Ipswich - murder investigation for children

Sometimes entertaining the kids can be murder but this is taking things one giant leap further.

Ipswich Art Gallery has given over two entire exhibition spaces to Whodunit an exhibition that invites families with children aged 8 and over to find out how security guard Arthur Locke came to be lying dead in the rhino enclosure of Menagerie Park.

Not since Miss Scarlett killed Mr Black with the lead piping in the ballroom have children been as actively involved in solving a gruesome crime.

But while the Cluedo board offered only dice, plastic markers and small fake weapons, this exhibition goes way, way further.

Families will find themselves examining poo samples, studying DNA and matching fingerprints, fibre samples and tyre prints.

They can roll out the body on a tray in the morgue just like in the TV shows and question the forensic pathologist.

Best of all, by comparing the size of maggots and analysing the core body temperature the time of death can be accurately calculated.

"This is really interesting. I want to be a detective when I grow up - Mr Oliver aged 10"

Yep, this is not your average children's exhibition and that's what makes it so much fun.

It sounds macabre but really it's analytical rather than despicable.

It is very questionable whether this exhibition is rightly housed in an art gallery but there is no question that it is a creative and imaginative activity for kids.

And it's not even as though the organisers are making a killing out of this - the exhibition at the Ipswich Art Gallery until May 5 is free.

Ipswich art gallery

March 26 - things to do this week

Paddington Fair Neal Macrossan Park, opposite Suncorp Stadium on Saturday from 10am-pm
A free community and family event!
Featuring: Local Musicians, Market Sta, Circus Workshops, Food Stalls, Mystics Tent, Skate Lessons and Demos, Face Painting, Roller Derby Demo, Jumping Castle, and heaps more!
Live performances from: Screamfeeder, Ranger, Texas Tea, Little Vegas and the Fuzz Parade and emerging acts Meaningless Existence, The Grove and Sunflower.
The inaugural Paddington Fair, a drug and alcohol free community event will include music, markets, and a host of activities for kids and the whole family will transform the area into a vibrant celebration of the local community.
Born out of the Brisbane City Councils ‘LOCALe Music For Ya Park’ events, which have drawn thousands of families to local parks and facilities over the last two years and will include two stages, markets, skate lessons and demos, a mystics tent, temporary tattoos, face painting, jumping castles, heaps of other surprises to keep the entire family entertained. Ithaca Pool will be opening their doors with FREE entry from noon.

Free Sunday at the Gallery at the Queensland Art Gallery art program from 2-4pm for children aged 3-12

Create a collaborative soft sculpture with Claire Robertson.

Children and their families work with local and exhibiting contemporary artists in the Sunday at the Gallery program. Each workshop involves a making activity connecting to the ideas and processes of the artist’s own work.

Free Tours for kids at the Queensland Art Gallery on Sunday at 11.30am-1pm

Specially designed, interactive tours of works in the Queensland Art Gallery's Collection are offered for children aged 4–10 years, and accompanying adults. The tours invite families to explore contemporary collection works in GoMA, focussing on some of the innovative ways artists use colour, pigments and paint to make a big impact.

Last movie in the park for the season Hairspray (Rated PG 117mins) Friday, 28 March
7pm Boyd Park, Cnr Boyd and Park Roads, Nundah

Shakespeare in the Park - Romeo and Juliet Education City Mini Oval, USQ Campus, Springfield. Thursday 7pm Friday 7pm Saturday 7pm

Penned over 400 years ago, Shakespeare's tale of two star-cross'd lovers is as popular today as it was with London audiences over four centuries ago.

The classic tale follows Romeo, a Montague, and Juliet, a Capulet; young lovers caught up in a bitter feud between two great Italian families.

The sparks of their innocent love set the vibrant city of Verona alight.

"My only love sprung from my only hate; too early unknown and known too late."

This is Shakespeare at his undeniable best. - Love, lust ... plots, potions ... twists and tragedy. $11 School Group >20

$25 Adult, $10 Child (up to 12 years, under 3 free)
$16Student (secondary and university) $65 Family (up to 2 adults and 3 children)

Free multicultural Festival in Caboolture from 9am-4pm in Caboolture Town Square on Saturday

A celebration of the cultural diversity of the Caboolture district with stunning cultural performances, creative workshops, arts and craft stalls and delicious multicultural cuisine. Tantalise the senses

Samford Rodeo at Samford Showgrounds on Saturday from 6pm to midnight

Bull rides, Barback horses and broncos, kids entertainment, comedy clowns, food and drinks, music.

Family - $40, Adults - $18, Children & Pensioners - $12